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| I sometimes hate being a woman. I'm recently experiencing that irritable feeling you get from being hormonal beyond belief. Yes m'aam, it's either pregnancy or PMS. Let's hope it's the latter (ha,ha). It's the feeling of knowing that I'm being irrational but there is not a goddamn thing I can do about it. Poor Dave, is all I can think as I tear him a new one. I know I'm being a bitch and I know this minuscule thing shouldn't make me near this upset but low and behold, it does. I somehow just pray that the excuse "I just can't help it" seems as valid as it actually is. Tonight a friend of mine who is currently going to school asked me if I'd write an essay for her English class. Simple enough, a standard MLA formatted expository essay about body image. Is it pathetic that I actually had a twinge of excitement in thinking that I had a chance to write something again? Something that would be graded and possibly appreciated by another person? Someone would actually be reading something I wrote again, and it could even be something I actually put effort into. Effort. Effort is one thing that I sadly have not put forth in quite awhile. She offered to pay me for it but hell, I figure I'd almost have fun writing it. Maybe I should be paying her? Dave made me feel utterly stupid about the whole situation. Why would I willingly write an essay for another person to hand in? I'm 23 for god's sake, I should be looking for personal challenges rather than living vicariously through others. Others who are going to school and moving forward. Going forward and not treading water at a shitty retail position. Of course, Dave said none of this. He really did nothing to deter me from writing at all it was just my being hormonal and fighting over why Microsoft Office was no longer even installed on our computer that got to me. A fight? Over Microsoft Word, you ask? Well, I don't know if it was the actual operation of retrieving Microsoft Office and installing it back onto our computer that bothered me, so much as the fact that we didn't even need it in the first place. Of course I don't need it, I'm not going to school. I'm not writing or doing anything with my life that would involve any thought least of all a Word document!! Hell, the biggest sentence I've typed in the past four months was probably on Facebook Chat. Sad. So fucking sad. Yeah, yeah you're thinking 'Why doesn't she just go back to school if she is so goddamn restless?'. Well. I guess we'll see. Thanks Xanga, for helping me out of another bind. Though I may not be taking up the offer of money in exchange for an essay, I did at least get to write something. Maybe not of much substance but it'll do for now. | | |
| Okay, so here it is folks. As a follow up to my previous post I have now come back with the inevitable "woe is me" blog. You know the type, it shows up every couple of months.
I've been planning on possibly taking the Diet and Nutrition program at the U of S. I haven't gotten everything straightened out quite yet but this was the plan thus far. Or at least it was until last night.
Dave and I had sort of a sit down chat about what was up and coming on our agendas. When I actually went to research a little more into the prerequisites I saw that they only accept a total of 24 students into the D and N program. 24 students!! That's including two out of province, one aboriginal, and one extremely "passionate" student. So really, that makes 20.
Now I'm no mathematician, but according to my calculations that makes me chances excruciatingly slim. Great. As if that loads of Chem classes I'd be taking weren't difficult enough.
Now what? Dave reckons that I should write a book. Ha.
PS: What the fuck is with me and commas? Just lately I've realized I abuse them to the point of physical illness. My own.
PSS: I fought really hard in that above sentence not to use a comma. ,,,,,,!!
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| Wow. At times when I'm either reflecting on life, or incredulously bored I find myself coming back to Xanga. Not quite with a running start, but slowly lurking onto it's pages..quietly reviewing old weblog entries. Partly curiosity, I would say.
I don't feel like writing my usual "woe is me, but life is good" blog after an X amount of days hiatus. Instead, I'll just update you on previous happenings.
I'm looking to go back to school this coming fall, fingers crossed. I've been strongly considering diet/nutrition until recently. I'm definitely no science buff, and although the subject interests me (mainly because it's been a struggle for me for quite some time now), I can't help but wish I could just attend school and be able to attend classes I'm actually interested in taking a part of. Aka, English.
Ahh, English class. A one way trip to becoming a teacher. It seems that the most likely option leads me somewhere that I don't want to be. However, I have been watching this stupid sitcom lately in which the lead character is an editor. Hey, maybe? Who knows. Academic advisor, here I come.
What else? I live in Saskatoon again, with the bf and a friend, Hagen. This will definitely be the last place with roommates. It's not that they are a negative thing, on the contrary, they can be quite advantageous. I love having extra company, and let's face it, the extra rent. Jesus Christ though, I feel like I've almost grown out of it. I miss the days of Halifax where I could walk around in my underwear and leave the door open when I pee. The little things, right??
Well, since I'm a little rusty at this writing thing I'm not too sure how to conclude this post or if I even need to at all. Life is pretty good, and I'm considering writing in Xanga a little more often. You know, keep up with the skills so I can punch out that novel some day.
Not promising anything, though.
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| It really is. You shoot it into the air, unsure of when and where it will land.
We are on our last few months here. It was a very difficult and trying experience, I won't deny that. Yet, there isn't a thing I would change. Somehow, it's just completely worth it knowing that I now have ties to this part of the country. Friends, places. That feels good.
Darren had told me that moving cross country with Dave would most likely "make or break" the relationship. I originally scoffed at this statement, but really, he was right. I didn't know it was possible, but Dave and I are closer than ever. In a good way.
The one thing that does upset me is my age. I know this sounds a little silly, but it's something that's been on my mind lately. I realize 22/23 isn't exactly over the hill here, but future plans are being pushed back and forth, and it is a little upsetting. I mean, let's get real here. I'm not 19 anymore, no longer fresh out of highschool. Facing reality, if I get into some sort of speech pathology program, I will most likely be done school by thirty. And that's if I'm lucky.
I get back into Saskatchewan at the end of August. I haven't applied for school, which means, I won't be going. Not until next semester at least. I also haven't even looked into applying for student loans. All of which is overwhelming because I've never even personally paid a goddamn bill.
The scary thing is that I am now considered a mature student, so I shouldn't have any problem being accepted to the U of S. A mature student. Can you believe that? Now are you starting to see why I feel so old? Shouldn't I be getting married soon? Christ. We don't have the money for that. Not to mention the fact that I don't have a ring on my poor ass finger. (Dave if you are reading this, yes, I am hinting)...hahah.
And to anyone else who is reading this that is residing back in the Saskatchewan/Manitoba region, I will see you soon!! (Erin, I'm talking to you, I'm considering taking a detour back to Denare before I come home).
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| I've noticed a few things about Halifax having lived on the East Coast for almost four months now. One of them being that the East Coast is much like a small town itself.
I figure that I'm qualified to make this statement having lived in a small town for, oh what was it now, 19 years of my life? Now just lemme explain before you jump to any conclusions about maritimers.
Although Halifax is larger than Saskatoon in population, I find it more spread out. It doesn't seem near as busy, and perhaps this is due to my location, but even when taking the bus to the Shopping Centre, I find it not to be anywhere close to how Midtown Plaza was. And believe me, I worked at Midtown for almost two years. The people are friendly, and I've even bumped into people I know from work. Yes, I'm sure you're thinking; "Big deal, I bump into people I know all the time in Saskatoon, or even Winnipeg." But take into consideration that I know a very, very minuscule amount of people in this City. Hell, in this province.
The people I do know, from Lawtons that is, all have been born and raised right here. Not necessarily all of them from Halifax, but definitely all of them from the East Coast. I've actually had conversations with my middle-aged boss about my moving here, to which she usually replies 'You're brave! I've lived here all my life'. Don't get me wrong here, I see nothing wrong with this. I'm hardly comparing someone who stays on the East Coast to what we consider in Flin Flon 'lifers', and even if I were, 'Lifers' isn't to be used as a negative term, really. Who am I to judge anyways? I miss the hell out of Saskatoon, and I will begrudgingly admit it. I say 'begrudgingly' because I would love to pick up somewhere and love it just as much as the last place. I soon realized though, I forgot to factor in all the people I love, and my life has sort of turned into a countdown until I get to see familiar faces again.
Anyways. That was a little off topic. The 'lifer' factor was observation number two.
Also, a little lame to be my third and last observation, I know, but just taking one look at the streets can clue you in. Locally owned businesses, everywhere. Quaint little stores, nic nacs. Off topic again, but one of my favourite things about this place is the uniqueness. Everything is so old, but original..and just a couple of blocks up from the street are some neat looking houses still standing from the 1800's. Hell, the rest of our apartment looks like it could be from the early 1900's. There are liquor stores and pubs EVERYWHERE. No exaggeration, I swear it. You won't get past a mall or grocery store that doesn't have an LC attached to it. Like I said, observation # 3, small town people love to drink.
And yet, as charming as this all is, and as I grow to like Halifax more and more each day, I'm reminded about my small town life. I miss Denare, hell, even Flin Flon. I miss the Orange Toad on choir days with Erin. I miss taking that 2 minute drive down to the Main Beach so Kim and I can sit in the car and just chat, the beach parking lot all to ourselves. It sort of makes me hope that I will eventually end up somewhere similar, and who knows, maybe have a little brat of girl who complains about living in serenity everyday of her highschool life. Until eventually, she grows up realizes how much you have to cherish what made you .. well, you.
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